Kick the habit
by Raesininja
Summary: Kenny's in drag and gets in some trouble with the one and only Craig Tucker. Haven't see any princess Kenny style crenny even though it's a pretty over used story haha. The story will focus more on sexuality and relationship so the story will have a lot more depth. I'm not sure what to rate this as I don't have much of a plan, anyway my first fan fic so sorry for the bad writing.
1. Chapter 1

Quick note, not that sure how what rating this will turn out to be, not sure if I can change the rating. I'll put a warning at the start of any chapter that may contain some of that good stuff ;D

Gonna be in Spain for the next two weeks so probably will not update till after that, sorry!

I don't own South Park (do I really need to say this haha)

It was midsummer, a humid heat wave had hit South park which was unusual for the mountain town which, even in summer was normally covered in a thin layer of snow. A girl with blond hair which was braided at the ends ran across the street. She was wearing a purple sundress and golden brown sandals. She ran towards South Park gym but rather than using the entrance like a normal human, she ran up to a fence next to the gym and quickly jumped up and latched on to the wire fence then gracefully climbed over and landed with a 'thud' on her feet. Holding her hair in place, she continued running down the alleyway by the side of the gym that was overgrown with ivy, lobelia and un-kept buzz velvet buddleia which took up the majority of the narrow side passage. The flowers were flocking with butterflies.

As the girl ran along the alley she panted heavily due to the humidity, small orange dust clouds were floating above the ground where she'd been running.

Her pace slowed to a walk as she reached the back of the gym, it was a very secluded area in the shade of four tall Spanish pine trees. There was no view of the street here and she quietly clambered onto the electricity box which was humming to itself quietly.

Above the box was a small window. She pulled her self up and peeked into the window.

"Bingo." She whispered to herself.

'Girls changing room' she thought to herself, a cocky grin plastered on her face.

All the running had messed up her hair slightly and from the front you could see strands of darker blond hair crossing her face... well it seemed like a her, her face, although very bright and full of life, may have seemed perfectly normal upon first glance. But for anyone who cared to look more carefully they would start to notice some rather odd features.

Firstly she had a rather strong jaw bone. Her eyes were set a bit to far back to be considered feminine and she had rather broad shoulders.

Apart from this, Kenny made up for a pretty cute girl.

Provided he didn't forget to shave once in a while, that is...

Completely absorbed in ogling the girls, Kenny was in Heaven.

He often came to spy on Bebe, Wendy and any other girl who was unfortunate enough to be going to the gym. Naturally Kenny could have any of the girls he wanted with his boyish charm and enough vodka but something about the secrecy and the risk involved in spying on the girls this way was a massive turn on.

Once he had been caught by the manager of the gym and had his picture pinned up at the back of the entrance desk. He had a shit-eating grin in the picture and his head was slightly tilted to the side. In fact he was quite proud to have his photo up there.

But Because of this he needed a disguise, so he came in drag.

Of course there were easier ways to disguise himself but he enjoyed the looks he got from guys on the street and the numbers he was occasionally passed, they were useful for prank calls later on when he got bored of listening to his parents screeching at each other.

Kenny's eyes widened when Red walked in with her shirt off and her bra exposed, he loved red-heads, beautiful.

Suddenly he herd a thunderous laugh which sent him falling back off the box with surprise. He hit his head on a rock and his wig fell to the ground.

"Arggggg!" Kenny moaned as he clutched his head, he curled up into a ball and lay their clutching his head for a bit as some blood dripped down his face.

He sat up cross legged with a pout and looked around, he'd recognised the laugh, it was Cartman. But as he look around he saw no sign of the fatass.

Then Kenny heard a click and turned to look at his right were he saw that someone was trying to get out the back door of the male part of the gym next door, clearly someone with out the keys as it was taking them a while to get the door open. "Ay! Where's my level nine thief! Craig get your emo ass self to this door right now!"

"Cartman we're not playing that stupid game any more." Craig stated in his nasally voice.

"What are you guys talking about" an unfamiliar voice said.

"Nothing, Cartman just wanted to see what's behind this door" Kenny heard Stan's voice say.

"It's just an alley, nothing too special, we lost the key for it months ago" the unfamiliar voice answered, Kenny assumed that it must be someone who worked at the gym.

Kenny let a sigh of relief as he picked himself up of the ground, grabbing his wig and shoddily placing it back on his head. He casually walked over to the door, sat down beside it and began eavesdropping.

"So, Wendy's dragging me off to some midsummer couples thing this Saturday" Stan said making idle conversation, "Ha! Gayyyy!" Cartman retorted.

"Your just jealous because no one in town would go with you if you paid them!" Stan shot back. Kenny smiled to himself, he loved hearing the banter anyone had with Cartman. "You know better than anyone else that isn't true, me and Red are super kool together Stan." Now this gave Kenny a shock, what would a beauty like Red be doing with a fatass like Cartman, God darn it, Kenny had been looking forward to getting some outta that, stupid fatass screwing things up like usual.

"Hey there guys!" Kenny heard Bebe's voice, the girls must be finished changing, well there's always tomorrow. But now that there were girls here it made Kenny's time worth while, he perched himself on the window ledge and peeked in through the blinds. "Ay! No girls in the guy's changing room, especially not blonds who should be working at Raisins!" Cartman shouted.

"What about little Red here, hey Cartman?" Bebe teased and Cartman shut up as Red entered the room.

"I was just telling them about the midsummer couple's thing" Stan said to Wendy.

"Ohhh! Wouldn't it be superb if loads of us go as couples! We're all are in relationships already and it would be like one big meet up! It'd be toats fab! Don't you agree Wends?" Bebe blurted out to the whole changing room after listening in on Stan and Wendy. "Cartman, you have Red, Kyle and Rebecca are finally a thing, you and Stan, Annie and Butters, Token and Milly, I'll see if Tweak or someone wants to go and even Kenny has that one girl right! It'd be awesome!" Bebe listed off.

"Bebe I don't think Kenny's had a proper relationship since that one crazy Jonas Brothers girl in 4th grade..." Stan started but was cut off by going off again by Bebe.

"Hey Craig, you got a bed buddy?"

Craig glared at Bebe and opened his mouth to speak when Cartman interjected "Well you see Bebe, the thing is that our much loved, arsehole friend here Craig has been diagnosed with a fatal and sadly incurable disease!"

"Oh my God! Craig are you okay" Bebe started to sob.

"It's a terrible thing." Cartman continued, Craig glaring at him "It's called being a fag, doomed to be forever shunned by society!" Bebe slapped him.

Craig flipped him off.

Red said more softly "Are you really Craig?" With an intrigued look on her face.

"No." Craig said shortly. "No I'm not, guys stop looking at me like that." He continued after seeing the disbelieving looks on his peer's faces.

"Then why," Cartman spoke out "have you not had a single girlfriend since like forever, hey Craig."

"I dunno" Craig answerer clearly getting bored by the subject quickly. "Why have you been a fatass since like forever."

"It isn't my fault your so far up Clyde's butt that you can't see your own gayness."

Clyde, who had been sitting in a corner to engrossed in an 'educational' magazine that Kenny had lent him, suddenly perked up at the mention of his name. "Hey Cartman, stop being a dick, I'm not gay!"

"Oh really Clyde? Then why have you not had a girlfriend since forth grade! Clearly the only explanation here is that you and Craig are having a secret butt buddy relationship!"

Craig flipped him off.

Kenny couldn't hold back a snigger. With a massive grin plastered on his face he continued watching the amusing scene wondering where this was going.

Cartman started "Well Craig, if you feel oh so strongly about it..."

"I don't." Craig stated.

Ignoring Craig, Cartman continued "You should easily be able to find a date by next Saturday."

"I'm really not bothered for this..." Craig muttered.

"Well, I guess that settles it! Craig, come to the midsummer festival on Saturday with a girlfriend, yes a girlfriend Craig, no taking your mum, and you must kiss her in front of us! No random, a girlfriend Craig!" Cratman bellowed out.

Craig flipped him off again.

"You too Clyde! Can't have you dressing up as Craig's girlfriend to hide your gayness" Cartman continued.

"What's wrong with being gay anyway" Craig said nonchalantly.

"Don't be an asshole Craig" Cartman brushed him off as they all headed to exit the gym. "Just be there Craig, or can't you get a girl?"

"Of course he can!" Clyde shouted looking more flushed then he should have, apparently much more affected by this then Craig.

"Well this is the perfect opportunity for him to prove himself then." Cartman shouted back as he exited the gym.

Craig grabbed his bag and headed to leave but Clyde reached out to stop him.

"You'll have a girl right?"

"I'm not going"

"What'd you mean your not going? DUDE!"

"Why does it matter?"

"Because if you don't go with a girl Cartman and his prissy gang will spread rumours about me!"

"And you care about them because?" Craig said glaring at Clyde, clearly becoming more and more pissed.

"Because they are the friking rumour mill of the town! If we don't show, before the night is over the whole town will think we're fucking!"

"So." Craig muttered.

"So? For fuck sake, do you even think about other people!"

"Clearly not to the extent you seem to, it's pathetic." With that Clyde stormed off with Craig glaring at him as he walked away.

"Arsehole" Craig muttered under his breath then grabbed his back pack and slung it over his shoulder.

He stood there alone for a while.

Shafts of light flickered through the blinds Kenny was peeking through.

Kenny kept looking even though there was nothing happening.

Craig's face which was normally stoic and cold had an unreadable expression, well if you can call it that.

He didn't show an emotion but there was something more on his face. It was emotionless yet there was something. Something was on his face. Almost undetectable and certainly unreadable.

Then he turned and Kenny's heart fluttered, he'd been caught. No, Craig wasn't looking at him, he was looking next to the locked door next to him. Craig walked over and put his hand out.

Kenny could no longer see Craig but he didn't need to to know what he was doing. Kenny heard the fumbling with the lock and dashed back into the ivy and bushes to hide himself. They may no longer be playing the 'stupid game' but Craig didn't seem to have forgotten the skills he learnt in it.

It wasn't long until Craig had the door open and it opened with a quite squeak due to it being locked for so long. Craig stepped out into the shady sunlight of the alley. Kenny gulped.

Craig ran a hand threw to his hair which was sweaty due to the heat and the gym workout, he swung his bottle of water back and took a huge gulp and the poured some over his face and hair.

He shook his hair and took out a cigarette and lighted it, inhaling deeply.

He breathed out a large cloud of grey smoke and slumped down against the gym wall. Looking at the ground and playing with his wet hair with a very slight frown on his face.

The frown deepened and he ran his hand through his hair and sighed, breathing out a small grey cloud of smoke.

On the wall behind him there was graffiti, random streets names and hash tags, one more interesting one of Mysterion holding the commanding the army troops after the Coon. Naturally, this one was one of Kenny's personal favourites.

Kenny looked back over at Craig who still had his head in his hands, he'd never seen Craig show more than a touch of emotion and now this? Well, guess it's impossible to hold it in all the time... it was just weird, Craig showing any expression other than cocky and sass.

Craig looked up and blew out another long cloud of light grey smoke into the sky and watched it drift off.

Closed his eyes, still facing up.

Kenny gazed at him, his mind millions of miles, not particularly looking at Craig, just whatever.

In a daze, Kenny lost his grip on the ivy plant stumbling forward and his mind shot back down to earth, catching himself on the ivy plant again stopping himself face planting into the concrete. However this shock the ivy plant enough to pull Craig out of his trance too.

His eye's shot up, all emotion whipped from his face. He stood up and slowly walked towards where Kenny was hiding. "Shit" Kenny thought to himself, "better start thinking up an excuse..."

Craig chucked his cigarette to the ground and stepped on it as he walked towards Kenny's hiding spot. From Kenny's position, Craig had a glare that could kill, he was looking down with squinting eyes, the bright sun behind him blocked out by his head.

Kenny's pulse quickened.

Craig was right next to him, a couple more steps and Kenny would be in plain view.

Craig turned.

Kenny scrunched his eye's tight together.

He was face to face with Craig Tucker.

Shit.


	2. Chapter 2

Second chapter! Thanks so much for your reviews they made me so happy! I wrote this in half the time of the other one because of them ily 3 Sorry about it being 'English' haha I just find it easier to write that way. And thanks to all of you again, I've never really posted anything online but now I know what people mean when they talk about reviews motivating them haha, anyway I hope you enjoy!

(I don't own South Park)

He could practically feel Craig's breath on his face and he hadn't thought up a lie to tell him yet. Fuck.

Oh well.

Kenny soon remembered that just because he could not see Craig, it did not mean that Craig could not see him. Preparing himself mentally for the punch or whatever Craig would do to him, he opened his eyes.

Much to his surprise, the eyes he saw staring at him where giving him a much softer look then he'd expected. Kenny opened his mouth to give some kind of reason for why he was dressed up in drag behind the guy's changing room but Craig's nasally voice spoke first.

"Are.." Craig's voice gave a small voice crack and he coughed. After clearing his throat he continued. "Are... you okay?" Kenny blinked in slight confusion.

"Errr" Kenny tried to talk but all that came out were some gurgling noises. He didn't recognise him. Craig Tucker didn't recognise the boy he'd been in a class with since primary school! Haha, Kenny always knew he had feminine features but this was too perfect!

Collecting his thoughts together he responded to Craig's question in best girl voice he could muster. "Yes, I'm great thanks!" Kenny said in a voice just a bit to high to be believable and gave Craig a sickly sweet smile. Craig returned this with an odd look.

"What about that blood dripping down your face? A... new look?"

"What?" He replied looking up at Craig making his eyes wider than usual. This time his voice was much more feminine and natural.

Kenny touched his face and looked at his red fingers. "Oh my god. I'm bleeding!" Kenny shouted out, forcing tears to bud in his eyes. Hmmm so that's why Craig didn't recognise him.

Craig looked a bit taken aback. "Um, wait one sec." Craig muttered to himself looking down. "Hey, um miss, take this." Craig handed Kenny a damp towel he had from gym.

It was working.

A bewildered look spread across Craig's face.

Craig was acting weird, it didn't seem to add up. The guy who wouldn't even spear bus change to someone he'd known all his life would give his towel that he clearly still needed from all the sweat dripping down his face.

Oh yeah! That makes sense, Craig was nervous!

Kenny had never known Craig to have a proper girlfriend, sure in primary school he'd had one or two but every kid and their mum had been in some kind of relationship in primary school.

Craig was trying to get a date and he was scared shitless. From his earlier eavesdropping Kenny had a pretty clear picture why as well. Craig could get a lot of girls if he was more confident around them. Girls like that cold mysterious type, right? Plus it's not like Craig's bad looking and he plays the guitar. Classic boy-band material right there. Anyway, it was kinda funny watching Craig try to be kind and caring haha.

Kenny smiled, more at his own amusement then at Craig.

"It's fine, I don't live too far from here plus it'll ruin your towel. Thanks though." If it was the blood concealing his identity no way was Kenny about to wipe it off. "Okay." Craig responded as he forced a smile. "Want me to take you back?" Craig's voice cracked at the end of the sentence and Kenny couldn't help but laugh. Craig flushed a shade of red Kenny had only seen on tomatoes. "Haha, sorry, it's kinda cute" Kenny chuckled still keeping up his female voice. This only sent Craig into a darker shade of red and looked away closing his eyes and letting out a sigh. He was clearly hating ever second of this. Kenny would have felt bad for Craig but this was too precious. God how he wished he had a secret camra.

"Um what's your name?" Kenny was shocked at this question. He didn't really expect anyone to ask his name. Kenny let out a gargle "errr" his eyes darted around looking for some form of inspiration. His eyes landed on the mysterion graffiti "Mys errr Misti!" He said with more enthusiasm that really needed when telling someone your name.

Craig looked a bit more relieved and smiled less falsely this time "Cool, I'm Craig, nice to meet you."

"Yeah, same to you" Kenny beamed back.

Craig let out a sigh of relief. "Hey" Kenny looked up "er" Craig turned a bright shade of red and looked away again. Kenny guessed what he wanted to ask.

"Craig, you seem like a cool guy with a nice ass, wanna go to the midsummer couple meet up with me this weekend?" Kenny smiled a toothy smile and gave him a wink.

Why not, yolo right? Well not really for Kenny but the principle stays. Anyway it could be a laugh seeing Craig act like a gentleman haha. It may also lead to a free meal and alcohol! What's' to lose?

Craig looked stunned.

It took him a while to come to his senses. "Sure" he managed to whisper.

"Awesome, pick me up at 6, kay?"

"Sure" Craig repeated blankly.

"Sweet" Kenny cheeped before running off back down the alley.

Kenny turned to wave at Craig who turned round and waved back before walking back into the gym. Craig tripped and caught himself on the door handle. His hat flew off revealing a mess of sweaty black hair. Craig looked up and saw Kenny starring back laughing. Once again Craig turned tomato red, not that it had changed from this shade much during their convosation.

Kenny dashed off running back home laughing to himself all the while. This was perfect.

He'd never known Craig to be the shy type. He saw more expression in him in that one meeting then he'd ever seen throughout the 19 years he'd known him. He was so cool and collected around guys. Now Kenny knew why he'd never had a girlfriend. Kenny would have to be sure not to take his first kiss. Kenny didn't particularly like Craig but he didn't hate the guy and had no reason to want to humiliate him. They'd gotten on well at some points when they were without all the other guys but had never really taken the time to hang out and get to know each other. Who knows, maybe this could be a good chance. But he had a feeling that Craig didn't really like him, especially after the incident at the party with Clyde, how was he supposed to know Clyde wasn't into guys and besides, it'd only been with hands. Jeez, people are so sensitive. Girls were much better for things like that anyway and Kenny had had more than his fair share of experience.

Kenny pulled his dress over his head as he walked into his bedroom and looked at himself in the full body mirror he had lent up against the most cracked part of his walls in order to hide the worst of the cracks and possibly block out the breeze.

His orange push-up bra looked odd against his broad shoulders and non-existent hips. He had filled it with moth balls he'd found at the back of his closet which made them soft like the real deal but if felt too much would be to bumpy to convince anyone, he would need something better for his date with Craig.

Perhaps his mum would be able to help there, she was used to Kenny dressing up in drag anyway and to be honest, she seemed keen to have two 'daughters'.

Catching his reflection in the mirror for the second time he realised he had forgotten about the blood that had now dried down the left side of his face. He picked up a bottle of water he had on his bed side and reached on his bed for the box of tissues he used for... cleaning purposes. He used them to wash the blood off his face and placed a plaster over the wound.

"Kids! Your dinner's ready!"

Kenny grabbed an orange t-shirt and attempted to untangle the hooks of his bra before giving up and just pulling as hard as he could. This too failed and he settled on awkwardly pulling over his head. The hooks got caught in his tangled wig which he chucked across the room where it landed in a tangled pile.

He pulled the t-shirt over his head and shook his hair out. He could really do with a shower but fuck it. Plus he really didn't feel like a freezing cold shower thanks to his father 'forgetting' to pay the heating bill.

He reached under his bed in search of some genes and pulled out a pare that didn't smell too bad... well the did but it hardly mattered.

He swung his head through the door into kitchen. "I'm going out for a bit, won't be long."

"Okay Kenny, but be back before it gets too dark and take your dinner, your skin and bones!" his mum called back. Kenny waked in and grabbed his slightly defrosted pop-tart off the kitchen counter and tuned to wave at his mum before walking passed his siblings eating their food on the sofa. His dad was out drunk in some trash pile on the other side of town rather than eating with his family, like usual.

Kenny dashed out the door in to the cooler but still humid day. Climbing onto his skateboard he left lent up against his front of his house, he skated off to the trailer park that was a short distance from his house.

He approached a pea green trailer that was roughly in the centre of the only South Park trailer park. White and red pansies were growing out of plastic plant pots on the porch. Kenny got off his skateboard and climbed the steps to the front door carefully avoiding the high heel holes that had been made after many a drunk night out to TGI Fridays.

He knocked at the door and heard small feet running to open the door along with a dog barking. Slowly the door opened and a small brunet child poked her head round the door. "Hello" she spoke in a meek voice. "Hey there, is your mummy in?" Kenny said kindly and gave her a charming grin. She blushed and turned behind her "Mum! There's a mister here to see you!" Kenny giggled at her cuteness. "One sec Hun!" He heard as louder foot steps came closer. Then the door opened fully and he was met with Tammy in her red sleeveless top and her badly blond streaked hair. "Oh! Kenny! What a nice surprise, how has your week been? You doing well?"

"I'm great thanks and my weeks been fine, you and your kid's doing good?"

"Ya, Rhett's been a real sweet heart about raising them with me, I dn't know where I'd be without him honestly!"

"Yeah it's always nice when they hang around, anyway I need to ask you a favour."

"Sure thing, what is babe?"

"Well, cutting a long story short, I need to look my best on Saturday."

"Got anything in mind Hun? Hot date?" And she gave him a check smile accompanied by a light giggle.

"Oh like you wouldn't believe! And for the style I was thinking 'female'!"

"Oh God, Kenny are you going to a drag bar? Sweetie, your far too young for that type of thing."

"You're one to talk Miss TGI Fridays! Furthermore I am almost 20 I think you'll find."

"It doesn't matter what age you are, you'll always be too young! Anyway, I'll be sure to help you in anyway I can Ken, what exactly is it you want?"

"I just need to look as feminine and as unrecognisable as possible for Saturday." He said nonchalantly.

"I'm not gonna dig any further, just be here by 12 on Saturday Hun and I'll work my magic." She winked.

"MUUMMM! NO THAT'S MINE YOU CAN'T TAKE IT, I'M GONNA CALL THE COPS ON YOU!" The younger child shrieked.

"Oh for the love of sweet Jesus above, I better go see them Ken, talk to you more on Saturday, bye Hun!"

"See you then!" He waved her off and after the door closed he heard further shots and screams loud enough to wake up half the trailer park.

The sun was setting now and he quickly skated back home hoping that his father would be back and he wouldn't have to go off searching for him. Again.

–-

What do you guy's think about the shy Craig around girls? I'm not to sure about it but I wanted to include voice cracks, if you guys don't like it I won't write it in again haha.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry it's been so long .-. I've had loads of exams and still have more time #pray4me

I should be uploading much more regularly after June but I'll try and get another couple chapters before that c; Also! As I mentioned before I'm thinking of making this rated M with 'those' types of scenes but I wanted to know if you guys want that or not because I know that isn't everyone's cup of tea, so just leave a review or message me telling me if you want the story to go that way or not, it would be interesting to write haha but I don't want to ruin this story if lots of you don't want it.

As he approached his house Kenny took a keen interest in the fact that his father's pick-up truck was still missing from his yard. "For fuck sake." He whispered out, as he did a small cloud of condensation came out as the temperature had dropped considerably since this morning. He knew that as soon as he walked in he would be told to go straight back out. He got of his skateboard and ran in the door as fast as he could, reached in, grabbed his orange parka and shouted "Gonna go find pa, see you later!"

"Sure thing Ken!" His mum shouted back.

He slammed the door behind him. He let out a sigh against the cold night air, reaching into the front pocket of his coat he pulled out a cigarette box. 'Smoking can cause death.' Was written on the front accompanied by a graphic picture of rotting teeth in a mouth that looked like it belonged to a person who had been dead and burred for a good five years. "Causes death eh? We'll see about that." Kenny muttered as he opened the box.

Empty.

Really? REALLY?

Could have sworn there was like three left in there! Bet Kevin stole them, what a cunt.

Chucking the empty packet on the pile of rubbish accumulating at the front of his house he set off to find his dear old dad, walking this time.

As he strode past Craig's house he gave a small smirk, the one you would after seeing a girl doing the walk of shame outta your house.

After about another 15 minutes of walking he was almost at the bar next to Stan's uncle's gun shop but then he heard a soft sobbing from the back of an alley. Kenny stopped and looked down the dark alley but could not see anything due to the poor lighting in this area of town. Then he heard it again. It wasn't his Dad, it was too high pitched to be him but Kenny recognised it. Taking the risk, he headed down the alley into the darkness. "Hey, who's there?" He called out into the darkness. No response. "I know someone's there, who are you?"

"Just leave me."

"Wait, Clyde?!"

"Pleasseeee...just leave me..." The voice whined. "I'm worthless anyway."

"Clyde, stop being a little bitch right now and come out of the dark alley." Kenny said in pissed off voice. On reflection Kenny mentally punched himself after realising he sounded like Kyle's Mum.

"Don't wanna..." The voice whined on.

"Fine Clyde. If you wanna be like that, you can stay in the dark, cold alley all night and be gang raped by hobos. How does that sound?" In a determined blast Kenny placed his hands on his hips and his shoulders forward. Having to outwardly stop himself cringing.

"Ergguhhhhh" He heard Clyde grumble followed by the sounds of someone getting up. Someone who apparently had no concept of spacial awareness. There was a loud crash. About half a minute later it was followed by "ow". Lack of spacial awareness and a slower reaction time than a slough high on marijuana.

"For the love of all that is holy and good..." Kenny muttered under his breath as he stepped into the alley way to fetch Clyde.

"Commen" Kenny huffed out as he got Clyde to lean on him as he dragged him out of the alley and onto the street. "Just sit here, I'll be back in a sec." Kenny said as he turned to find his Dad.

"They all leave me in the end." Clyde muttered bitterly.

"Ughh" Kenny let out, he really did not want to be dealing with this.

"I don't blame them. Who'd wanna be around me, boring plain old Clyde. The kid who sits alone at parties."

Kenny gave him a blank 'why are you spilling your life story to me' look from a distance.

"Even Craig... the most stoic guy known for loving plain and boring things can't even stand me. THE KING OF BORDEM GOT A DATE BEFORE ME!" Clyde wept out.

"Well Clyde, that is very interesting. Now just wait here and maybe I'll come back for you." Kenny responded as if he was a primary school teacher.

Clyde mumbled something else after that but Kenny was too busy walking away to care.

Walking past the dumpsters behind the cheapest South Park bar, Kenny new exactly where his father would be sitting.

"Hey Dad." Kenny sighed looking down at his father who was far too wasted for 7 pm.

"Common then, lets get you home." He said as he pulled his father up. Supporting his father on his back he stumbled back to where he'd left Clyde. That's weird too, why was Clyde wasted at 7? Aren't people meant off their faces at like 2 am? Probably can't handle his alcohol, not unlike someone else.

He walked back to where he remembered leaving Clyde and found him passed-out against the wall he'd lent him on, a pile of vomit next to him. Nice.

How was he gonna do this, he was awesome but carrying two fully grown men was a bit beyond him.

"Clyde." Kenny said as he shook Clyde. "Clyde? Clyde! Clyde wake up, can you walk?"

"Mrrrrrmmm... five more minutes... please mum..." Clyde mumbled.

Kenny let out an irritated hiss.

He reached into Clyde's pocket and took out his phone, Clyde was too far off it to even notice. Kenny dialled his home number and it was Kevin who picked up. "Hey Kevin, it's Kenny, yeah, no, not right now no... I haven't see it... have you looked under the sofa?.. yeah well... I don't know dude... hey I've kinda got a little situation on my hands at the moment, could you come help me? … yes right now... I'm in the north west of town near that bar, you know the one...yeah I'm aware it's on the other side of town... yeah! That's why I need your help dude!...Okay...yeah...so like 15 minutes?... sure...by the bar... see ya Bro!" Kenny switched Clyde's phone off and slid it into Clyde's front pocket.

Kenny lent his father down next to Clyde, sat down on Clyde's other side and waited for his brother to show.

Then Clyde woke up again.

He began sobbing and Kenny wished that for once his moral compass would turn off so that he could just get up and leave. "I don't know what to do" Clyde sobbed "Craig's like never gonna forgive me, he holds grudges like that!" He said with tears rolling down his cheeks. "Plus he got a girl before me! I'm so screwed!"

Kenny was looking at Clyde but not really playing any attention to what he was saying. "What should I do? You have heaps of luck with girls, could you help me? Please dude!" Clyde continued.

Kenny continued to stare blankly at Clyde. "Kenny?"

"Hu? Sorry what?" breaking out of his daze.

"Could you help me get a girl?" Clyde repeated.

"Oh, well um I'm really busy at the moment, you know with school and family and all that stuff, sorry."

"Kenny, it's the summer holidays."

"Errrrrmmm" Was all Kenny could get out. Clyde gave him an irritated look. "Hahaha, yeah just checking your sober enough to remember haha." Kenny said while giving Clyde his best poker face.

"Yeah, of course Kenny, anyway your helping me dude, don't you have any random sluts who'll be willing to just hang for a bit?"

"Yeah, maybe I'll check one sec." Kenny pulled out his phone, he never had any credit but he could still see this address book.

He handed his phone over to Clyde when he found the number he was looking for. "Shauna?" He asked Clyde. "Ken, I'll take what ever I can at this point."

"Okay then," Kenny gave a small smirk "Just text her saying your me, where to meet and she'll turn up haha."

"But won't she just leave when she sees that I'm blatantly not you?"

"Nah she doesn't get much attention from guy's she'll probably just go with it, well maybe."

"At leasts it's something" Clyde mumbled before his eyes drifted shut "That'll show Craig..." He mummed before he passed-out.

Kenny felt himself falling asleep as the soft sound of his brothers pick-up truck arrived.

The next day Kenny woke up on his cold bedroom floor and his Parker was over him like a blanket. He stood up pulling it over his shoulders. He was hazy and although the sun was up he could hear the morning chorus so guessed it must still be early. Early on Saturday morning, well there really is a first for everything. Feeling clammy from sleeping in his cloths and clearly not washing before going to bed, he looked around. He was cold, that's for sure, the sun hadn't been up for long enough for it to have warmed up yet and from the lack of proper walls or a paid heating bills, it made for a cold start to most mornings.

Kenny turned to his bed to see Clyde asleep on it. He walked out of the room, feeling kinda awkward about being in there with Clyde asleep and also not wanting to wake him. He didn't expect any of his family to be awake so he crept into Kevin's room and grabbed the cigarette packet that was rightfully his, and went out the back door.

Sitting on a crate in his back yard, Kenny it his cigarette and took a deep breath in. Today was going to be interesting.

When he was done he threw the butt to the ground, stood up and stepped on it to make sure he put it out. He stretched his arms up as he walked back inside. He peaked back into his room but Clyde was still in a deep sleep. He decided to go see Karen, she normally got up early, not that Kenny had any idea how early it was. Looking out of the window as he approached Karen's room he noticed the slight morning fog that had settled on the mountains, he was caught in a rare moment of peace as he watched it glide over the landscape, the confusion and sinister feeling of fog gave Kenny an odd chill. After a moment, he turned to Karen's door and knocked lightly before entering.

"Hey" Kenny said lightly.

Like he'd guessed, Karen was awake. She was sitting on her bed, knees tucked under he body and holding an old doll, looking out of her window at the fog just as Kenny had a before he entered. They had a lot in common. "Hey" she replied as she turned and smiled at him.

"The fog's beautiful, isn't it..." He said softly.

"Yeah, yeah it is." She almost sighed out, turning back to look out the window again.

Kenny went to Karen's bed and sat cross legged.

After a few minutes there was a knock on the door and Kenny turned to see Clyde standing there with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. "Kenny? Why was I sleeping in your bed?"

"Found you shit-faced in an alley"

"Oh, okay thanks, guess I owe you one."

"Don't sweat it"

"Well, just if there's anything I can do for you dude, provided we keep last night between us."

"Ahh okay, I get where you're commin from, don't worry, I'll keep that in mind."

"Thanks man, your a life saver." Clyde finished before leaving to go home.

Ask he walked out the door a thought sprung into Kenny's mind. "Hey Clyde!" He called as he got up and reached for the door. Clyde turned around "Yeah?"

"Do you have Craig's phone number?"

"Yeah one sec,"Clyde said as he reached for his phone "here." He showed Kenny Craig's number and Kenny copied it down. "Thanks, see you around then."

"See you." Clyde said as he walked out of the door Kenny briefly wondered if Clyde remembered that he now had a date with a girl, oh well, none of his concern. Kenny had bigger things on his mind.

Speaking of bigger things, Kenny had to find some way of making 'it' not to obvious. It could easily be hidden under a dress when he was just out and about but who knows what Craig might try. Maybe he could just stuff something down there?

He went back into his room to find something to solve his problem. He settled on binding one of his old scarf, Ancient Greek style around the 'area' in question.

Yeah, that should work Kenny thought as he smiled to himself.

Nothing that important seemed to happen throughout the day. Well maybe it did but it's importance was over shadowed by the importance of the approaching night. The day went by at a snails pace and as soon as the clock turned half eleven Kenny was out of the house and sprinting towards Tammy's house.

He arrived there panting slightly. He galloped up the stairs, once again avoiding the hole. He knocked on the door and Tammy opened it a couple seconds later.

"Shhh" She said, motioning with her hands and lips to be quite. "Just got the lit'ens and their pa asleep on the sofa, come through with me quietly and we can have a fun girl time." She gave Kenny a small wink and grabbed his hand pulling him inside. As he walked into the back room which was Tammy's bedroom (don't ask him how he knows that) He caught a glimpse of one of the cutest scenes he had ever seen. All three of Tammy's children where cuddled up with her husband in the warm glow of the T.V. They had made a blanket fortress filled with cushions and teddy-bears. On a shelf above the television there where photos upon photos of Tammy and her new family. It warmed Kenny's heart to see that she was getting on so well.

"Make over time Kenny" Tammy sang as she dragged him into her room. The room had warm orange walls and was well lit. They both sat on her bed which and she pulled out a make-up case from under her bed. "So what's the special occasion for m'lady today?" Tammy inquired with a smile that spread across her whole face, she loved dressing Kenny up like a girl, when they were little and during the time they had been going out. "I'm meeting with my night in shining armour" Kenny gave her a cute wink. "Let's get you looking like a lady!" She laughed as she pulled open he make up bag. It took about 20 minutes and then she was done.

Showing him his face in the mirror, his face crawled into a smirk...'_ knew I could trust her to do a perfect job' _he thought to himself.

"You like it Hun?" She beamed at her handy work.

"It's perfect."

Kenny strode through his front room, his father who was laying on the couch didn't even take a second glance at Kenny's apparel, he was used to it by now.

He jumped on his bed and laid down. Pulling his phone out of his pocket he reached for Craig's phone number which was written on a scrupled piece of paper he'd left on his bedside table. Entering it he sent Craig a text, Craig had never had his phone number before so it wasn't like he'd know it was him.

[Heyey Babe ;D It's me! Misti! About tonight, could you meet me at the old train tracks? Six is still fine right?]

He laid back on his bed and waited for Craig's response. It was half four so he had plenty of time for Craig to reply. However, the text he got back was not what he expected.

[Who the hell are you and what do you want with my brother.]

Kenny did a mental face-palm. Clyde had fucked up AGAIN and given him Ruby's number.

[Oh hey sweetie, could you give me your brothers number? I'm his date for tonight c;]

Kenny had to stop himself vomiting rainbows but the image of the conversation between the stoic siblings was enough for him too keep in the rainbows.

Kenny's phone lit up.

[Fine.]

Assuming it was Craig, Kenny texted back.

[Looking forward to seeing you sexy ;D]

Kenny threw his phone on to his bed and rolled back laughing. God this was so perfect.


End file.
